Hooked and Unhooked Responses

Event Hooked Responses Unhooked Responses

BEING TOLD YOU ARE UNFAIR

APOLOGIZING, BACKING DOWN, TRYING TO PROVE YOU ARE BEING FAIR

DOGGEDNESS, OUTRAGE

CONSIDERING THE COMMENT SYMPATHETICALLY, ASKING FOR ADDITIONAL INPUT, AND DECIDING FOR YOURSELF

BEING LAUGHED AT

INSISTING ON BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY

RAGE, GOING FOR THE JUGULAR

LAUGHING TOO, OR GOOD HUMORED DISAGREEMENT

BEING TEASED

FREEZING, SELF-RIGHTEOUS OR FLUSTERED RESPONSE

SARCASTIC PUTDOWN, MENACING SERIOUSNESS

LAUGHING ALONG, IGNORING, OR TEASING BACK

BEING CHALLENGED ON YOUR VALUES

DEFENSIVENESS

ATTACKING ANOTHER’S VALUES

CALMLY ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR DIFFERENCES

BEING TOLD SOMEONE IS DISAPPOINTED IN YOU

TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT

“THAT’S TOUGH” ATTITUDE, COLDNESS, “WHAT THE HELL DO THEY WANT ANYWAY?”

CONSIDERING THE SITUATION SYMPATHETICALLY AND DECIDING FOR YOURSELF

FEELING GUILTY WHEN YOU KNOW YOU NEEDN’T

APOLOGIZING ANYWAY

RESENTMENT, LASHING OUT TO MAKE THE OTHER PERSON STOP

IGNORE THE GUILT-MAKING BEHAVIORS OR WORDS AND CARRY ON AS BEFORE

FEELING PUT DOWN

GOING TO PIECES. BELIEVING IT’S “TRUE”

RETALIATING

EVEN-TEMPERED DISCLAIMER, DIRECT CONFRONTATION, OR IGNORE

FEELING CHALLENGED IN AN ARGUMENT

GIVING UP OR GETTING FLUSTERED

ATTACKING THE PERSON INSTEAD OF DEFENDING YOUR POINT

CALM REITERATION OF YOUR POINT, WHILE NEVERTHELESS CONSIDERING THE CHALLENGING VIEWPOINT

FEELING IGNORED OR LEFT OUT IN A SOCIAL SITUATION

MEEK OR TENTATIVE EFFORT TO GET OTHER PERSONS ATTENTION, LEAVING, OR GIVING UP

DEMANDING YOUR SHARE OF ATTENTION, INTERRUPTING RUDELY, TALKING LOUDLY

REMAIN ATTENTIVE AND WATCH FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO INCLUDE YOURSELF

BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO

CHILDLIKE OBEDIENCE

REBELLIOUSNESS, GRIPING – “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, THEN CONSIDER THEIR SUGGESTIONS

BEING REPRIMANDED OR GIVEN CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK

FEELING SHOOK UP, TAKING IT “TOO MUCH TO HEART”

FEELING INCENSED AND OUTRAGED THAT SOMEONE WOULD DARE CRITICIZE YOU

ACCEPTING AND EVALUATING FEEDBACK

BEING YELLED AT

CRINGING, CRYING

AGGRESSIVE, YELLING BACK, COUNTER-ATTACK

FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON, EXPLORE THE SITUATION, MAYBE RAISE YOUR VOICE ASSERTIVELY BUT AVOID COUNTER-AGGRESSION, ASK THE OTHER NOT TO YELL

GETTING THE SILENT TREATMENT

FEELING “PUNISHED”, “PRETTY PLEASE” APPROACH, OVER-APOLOGIZING, SULKING

DEMANDING AN IMMEDIATE RESPONSE, PROVOKING A FIGHT

MAKE A PROCESS COMMENT AND INVITE OTHER PERSON TO DISCUSS HIS FEELINGS, NOW OR LATER

HEARING “YES, BUT” TO EVERY SUGGESTION YOU OFFER

TRYING EVEN HARDER TO BE HELPFUL

“ALL RIGHT, FORGET IT”, SARCASTIC DISENGAGEMENT, “WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO”

DISENGAGE FROM THE SITUATION, BUT LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN

SOMEONE’S IRRITATING HABIT WHICH DRIVES YOU UP THE WALL

APOLOGIZING FOR YOUR FEELINGS, TELLING YOURSELF YOU SHOULD BE MORE TOLERANT

“HOW MANY TIME DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU…”, OR “WHEN WILL YOU EVER LEARN…”

ASK THE OTHER PERSON TO STOP

“OH, YOU’RE SO YOUNG TO BE (A MANAGER, SO GOOD AT THIS, ETC)”

EXPLAINING OR JUSTIFYING YOURSELF

SNAPPY COMEBACK OR SUBTLE SARCASM, “I WAS A CHILD PRODIGY”

ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT AND IGNORE THE PUTDOWN

BEING TOLD “YOU ARE TOO EMOTIONAL, OR ILLOGICAL”

PATIENT EXPLAINING, WEEPING, DENIAL

“YOU’RE A FINE ONE TO TALK”, HAUGHTY IGNORING OF COMMENT

DON’T GET SIDETRACKED INTO DEFENDING ACCUSATION – PERHAPS IGNORE