What follows here are excerpts fro ma chapter from ‘The Courage To Heal’ by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass:
“The long-term effects of child sexual abuse can be so pervasive that it’s sometimes hard to pinpoint exactly how the abuse affected you…many survivors have been too busy surviving to notice the ways they were hurt by the abuse. But you cannot heal until you acknowledge the areas that need healing.
Because sexual abuse is just one of many factors that influenced your development, it isn’t always possible to isolate its effects from the other influences on your life…It’s the interplay of hundreds of factors that make you who you are today.
The way the abuse was handled when you were a child has a lot to do with its subsequent impact. If a child’s disclosure is met with compassion and effective intervention, the healing begins immediately. But if no one notices or responded to your pain, or if you were blamed, not believed, or suffered further trauma, the damage was compounded. And the ways you coped with the abuse may have created further problems.
Not all survivors are affected in the same way. You may do well in one area of your life, but not in another. You may be competent at work and in parenting but have trouble with intimacy. Some women have a constant nagging feeling that something is wrong. For others, the damage is… (more) blatant…
The effects of child sexual abuse can be devastating, but they do not have to be permanent. As you read this chapter, you may find yourself nodding your head- “Uh-huh, me too”-recognizing, perhaps for the first time, the ways in which the abuse affects your life. Look at the following lists and ask yourself how you’ve been affected. Such recognition will probably be painful, but it is, in fact, part of the healing process.”
What proceeds after this in ‘The Courage To Heal’ is some brief discussion on each of the following areas along with some questions under each. I am only giving a small sample of the questions here. I often suggest that clients who have experienced sexual abuse use this chapter in ‘The Courage To Heal’ to begin to more fully explore whether and to what extent the abuse continues to impact them. If it does, then that is a good sign they should really consider working on their abuse in therapy.
Questions from ‘The Courage To Heal’:
Self-Esteem and Personal Power
- Do you feel that you’re bad, dirty, or ashamed?
- Do you feel powerless, like a victim?
- Do you find it hard to trust your intuition?
- Do you have a hard time nurturing and taking care of yourself?
Feelings
- Do you value feelings or see them as an indulgence?
- Do you feel confused much of the time?
- Do yo uexperience a wide range of emotions or just a few?
- Are you prone to nightmares? Panic attacks?
Your Body
- Do you feel present in your body most of the time? Or are there times when you feel as though you’ve left your body?
- Are you aware of the messages your body gives you (hunger, fear, tiredness) ? Do you respond to them?
- Have you ever intentionally hurt or abused your body?
- Do you have a hard time loving and accepting your body?
Intimacy
- Do you find it difficult to trust anyone? Do you have close friends?
- Are you afraid of people? Do you feel alienated or lonely?
- Can you say no?
- Is it difficult for you to give or receive nurturing? To be affectionate?
Sexuality
- Are you able to stay present when making love? Do you go through sex numb or in a panic?
- Do you find yourself avoiding sex or going after sex you really don’t want? Can you say no?
- Do you experience sexual pleasure? Sexual desire? Do you think pleasure is bad?
- Do you ever think sex is disgusting or that you’re disgusting for enjoying it?
Children and Parenting
- Are you overprotective?
- Do you have a hard time feeling close to your children? Are you comfortable being affectionate with them?
- Do you feel uncomfortable or frightened around children?
Families of Origin
- Have you confronted your abuser or told other family members about your abuse?
- Are you satisfied with your family relationships? Or are they strained and difficult?
- Do you feel safe when you’re with your family?
- Does incest still go on in your family?
