PUNISHMENT |
LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES |
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| CHARACTERISTICS | UNDERLYING MESSAGE |
LIKELY RESULTS |
CHARACTERISTICS | UNDERLYING MESSAGE |
LIKELY RESULTS |
| 1. EMPHASIZES POWER OR PERSONAL AUTHORITY; MAKES A DEMAND. | DO WHAT I SAY BECAUSE I SAY SO! I’M THE BOSS! |
REBELLION. REVENGE. LACK OF SELF DISCIPLINE. SNEAKINESS. IRRESPONSIBLY. |
1. EXPRESS REALITY OF SOCIAL ORDER; RECOGNIZE MUTUAL RESPECT AND RIGHTS. | I TRUST YOU TO LEARN TO RESPECT YOURSELF AND THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS. | SELF-DISCIPLINE. COOPERATION. RESPECT FOR SELF AND OTHERS. RELIABILITY. |
| 2. ARBITRARY; BARELY RELATED TO ACT. |
I’LL SHOW YOU! YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU’RE GETTING! |
RESENTMENT. REVENGE. FEAR. CONFUSION. REBELLION. |
2. ARE DIRECTLY RELATED TO MISBEHAVIOR; MAKE SENSE. | I TRUST YOU TO MAKE RESPONSIBLE CHOICES. | LEARNS FROM EXPERIENCE. |
| 3. IMPLIES MORAL JUDGMENT; EQUATES DEED WITH DOER. | THIS SHOULD TEACH YOU! YOU’RE NO GOOD! |
FEELING OF HURT; RESENTMENT, GUILT. DESIRE FOR REVENGE. |
3. IMPLY NO MORAL JUDGMENT; SEPARATE DEED FROM DOER. | YOU ARE A WORTHWHILE PERSON! | LEARNS BEHAVIOR MAY BE OBJECTIONABLE, BUT NOT SELF. |
| 4. IS CONCERNED WITH PAST BEHAVIOR. | THIS IS FOR WHAT YOU DID-I’M NOT FORGETTING! YOU’LL NEVER LEARN! |
FEELS UNABLE TO MAKE GOOD DECISIONS. FEELS UNACCEPTABLE IN EYES OF PARENT. |
4. ARE CONCERNED WITH PRESENT AND FUTURE BEHAVIOR. | YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. | BECOMES SELF-DIRECTED AND SELF-EVALUATING. |
| 5. THREATENS DISRESPECT, IS A PUT-DOWN. | YOU’D BETTER SHAPE UP! NO SON OF MINE ACTS LIKE THAT! |
DESIRE TO GET EVEN. FEAR. REBELLION. GUILT FEELINGS. |
5. ARE INVOKED IN FRIENDLY MANNER AFTER PARENT AND TEEN HAVE CALMED, IMPLY GOOD WILL. | I DON’T LIKE YOUR BEHAVIOR, BUT I STILL LOVE YOU! | FEELS SECURE ABOUT PARENT’S RESPECT, LOVE, AND SUPPORT. |
| 6. DEMANDS OBEDIENCE. | YOUR PREFERENCES DON’T MATTER! YOU CAN’T BE TRUSTED TO MAKE WISE DECISIONS! |
“DEFIANT COMPLIANCE.” DESIRE TO GET EVEN ANOTHER TIME. DESTRUCTION OF TRUST AND EQUALITY. |
6. PERMIT CHOICE. | YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DECIDING. | MAKES RESPONSIBLE DECISIONS. SHOWS INCREASED RESOURCEFULNESS. |
Questions to Answer in Establishing Consequences:
- What is the problem area?
How is it a problem? - What do you want to happen?
How would you like things to be? - How could this be stated briefly, clearly, and directly?
This is important so everyone knows what the limit or expectation is. - What will the natural consequence be if this limit is not followed?
Will this be strong enough to cause any necessary behavior change?
Is it too strong?
If is not strong enough, is there a better consequence such as a logical consequence that would be appropriate?
