Inaccurate Beliefs – Obstacles to Assertive Communication

  1. Inaccurate Belief: If I assert myself, others will get mad at me.  Accurate Counterparts:
    If I assert myself, the effects may be positive, neutral, or negative. However, since assertion involves legitimate rights, I feel that the odds are in my favor to have some positive result.  Possible Applications of This Are:
    If I assert myself people may or may not get mad at me / They may feel closer to me / like what I say or do / help me to solve the problem.
  2. Inaccurate Belief: If I assert myself and people do become angry with me, I will be devastated, it will be awful.  Accurate Counterparts:
    A.) Even if others do become angry and unpleasant, I am capable of handling it without falling apart.
    B.) If I assert myself when it is appropriate, I don’t have to feel responsible for the other person’s reaction. It may be his/her problem.
  3. Inaccurate Belief: Although I prefer others to be straight forward with me, I’m afraid that if I am open with others and say “no”, I will hurt them.  Accurate Counterparts:
    A.) If I’m assertive, other people may or may not feel hurt.
    B.) Most people are not more fragile than I am. If I prefer to be dealt with directly, quite likely others will too.
  4. Inaccurate Belief: If my assertion hurts others, I am responsible for their feelings.  Accurate Counterparts:
    A.) Even if others do feel hurt by my assertive behavior, I can let them know I care for them while also being direct about what I need or want.
    B.) Although at times others will be taken aback by my assertive behavior, most people are not so vulnerable and fragile that they will be shattered by it.
  5. Inaccurate Belief: It is wrong and selfish to turn down legitimate requests.  Other people will think I’m terrible and won’t like me.  Accurate Counterparts:
    A.) Even if legitimate, requests can be refused assertively.
    B.) It is acceptible to consider my own needs – sometimes before those of others.
    C.) I can’t please all of the people all of the time.
  6. Inaccurate Belief: At all costs, I must avoid making statements and asking questions that might make me look ignorant or stupid.  Accurate Counterparts:
    It’s all right to lack information or to make a mistake. It just shows I’m human.